I’m spoiling you, I really am. All these posts in such a short time. You’re a lucky reader, aren’t you? Yes. Yes you are.
Today I’ll be giving you a tiny peek into the Viper’s Hole at this festive season. I’m not giving you a full tour, just enough to whet your appetite. I know, I’m a shameless tease, but you love it.
Spiritually, I live in a Derbyshire Manor House. Practically, I live in a terraced house that was built this century. We do what we can, don’t we? Let’s have a look at some of my photographs, shall we?
Here’s a bauble by the wonderful Lucy Loveheart. It shows Chatsworth House, my home from home. Chatsworth is almost as well decorated as The Viper’s Hole. I recommend that you pay it a visit. Chatsworth that is, not Viper’s Hole, you big stalker.
Here’s part of the Front Room. Take it all in. Look at my bear, in my chair. I’m so cuddly you can almost forget that I’m a deranged misanthrope. The tree does not generally have matching baubles, I prefer to buy special baubles that mean something to me (like the Chatsworth one in the last photo, see?). The only real ‘set’ of ornaments is the collection of Disney Princesses that are so beloved by the Viperinos. Look at the garland over the window. See those red holly berry lights? I like them. They do give a red light reminiscent of a seventies brothel, though. I’m getting lots of offers of trade.
Rooooooooxxxxxxxanne! You don’t have to put on the red light…
I’ve got six of these classy wooden jobs. They have tiny bells inside. They were made by a local wood turner. He prefers to remain anonymous. He’s a wizard and he doesn’t want to be bothered. These ornaments have magical powers. Their first power is to fill YOU with envy.
See the gold heart and the shooting star? I got those in Belgium. Your actual Belgium. I’m an international Viper. Hi Europe, if you’re reading! I love you!
Check this out. You light the candles and the little Cherubim spin around, making the little bells go ting ting ting. Brilliant, eh? In the background, you can see an Avent Nutcracker. There’s a lot of nutcracker stuff this year, thanks to the theme at Chatsworth. Personally, I find nutcrackers a bit sinister. They look so angry. I’d probably be angry if people kept shoving nuts in my mouth. Probably.
These bells aren’t blurry in real life. They’re not plastic, either. They’re metal! Probably gold. They make a lovely chiming sound: it’s surprisingly deep. You can also see a picture of some snowy woods. I took that picture. I know, I’m a man of many talents. I can take pictures AND write about them. Renaissance Viper.
Fortnum and Mason bauble stuffed with salted caramel truffles. They didn’t last long, let me tell you.
I like this blurry picture of the tree. I really ought to clean the lens, but then I wouldn’t get that charming flare on the lights. Have you seen the bear lurking under the tree? He looks melancholy. Perhaps he’s had a tough 2016. We’re with you, bear, we’re with you. I know you’ve spotted the Labyrinth poster. That isn’t seasonal, that’s there all year. I love Labyrinth. If you want to imagine me, imagine a cross between Jareth and Ludo. That’s me.
That will do for now. I don’t want to spoil you. I also have housework to do, so I can’t sit here typing all morning.