What’s this, Viper?! You don’t just mope around the house, doing domestic stuff and contemplating your gorgeous navel? You go OUT? You dare to review restaurants?
You bet your sweet bippy.
Due to my continued good behaviour, Mrs Viper decided to take me to a tremendously hip restaurant called Bodega. It’s in Leicester, should you like the sound of it. I’m not precisely sure how Mrs V found out about it, probably through her extensive underworld connections. I find that it’s best not to question her, in case she becomes enraged.
After lengthy bathing, I applied unguents and perfumes. Then I slipped into my three-piece suit (cos I’m pretentious) and Doc Martens (because I’m still pretentious) so that Mrs Viper could show me off. She sees me as arm candy. I’m a trophy oaf.
I drove. My good lady was planning on drinking, it’s the only way she can tolerate my personality for any length of time. Leicester was looking festive, plenty of light for Diwali or Christmas or Winterval or whatever festival you feel like celebrating.
What was I expecting of this Bodega joint? South American sorta thing, I had been told. The outside didn’t tell me much, it was dark. We hurried inside and I immediately liked the interior. An industrial ceiling was livened up with ‘Day of the Dead’ decorations. There was a colourful mural on one of the walls. I felt the vibe was informal, contemporary and… what’s the word? ‘Street’, ‘Rugged’, ‘Sexy’… something like that. It’s the sort of place where you don’t feel like you need to whisper politely, you can smile, you can laugh and you can relax. There’s a window to the kitchen, too, something that makes me trust a restaurant.The clientele looked almost as attractive and arty as myself and the good lady Viper. Beards? I should say so.
The friendly staff and a super fast service impressed me. They showed no sign of noticing my freakish appearance, something I always appreciate.
We started by sharing nachos. We were told to expect the best nachos ever. A bold claim, I felt.To the restaurant’s credit, they were certainly the best nachos I’ve ever had. I would need more evidence tom completely justify the ‘best ever’ claim. Does anyone have access to exhaustive records and a time machine? There was fresh salsa and guacamole… just enough jalapenos. There were beautifully balanced flavours. We loved them.
Main course for me was a burrito with beef brisket. I like alliterative foods. Beef brisket burrito. Ahh. Satisfying. I was given the option to choose how spicy I wanted it, which is a courtesy I love! I don’t need to prove how tough I am, so I went for ‘average’. Sure enough, just the right amount of spice when the food arrived. It was superb. The beef was tender, the spice hits were lively without overpowering the flavour and everything tasted fresh. My wife was just as impressed with her haloumi.
I didn’t drink, but the queen of my heart had two excellent cocktails. She also tried three different types of tequila. There was one with chocolate and chili that I mistakenly tried to drink like wine, by slooshing it around my palette. It was a bit spicy for that approach. I would definitely drink it again, I’d just be less of a pretentious twerp about it. One of the other tequilas came in a bottle shaped like a skull. I like almost anything served from a skull (ask Lord Byron). If you drink, I would recommend the Bodega on the strength of the tequilas and cocktails alone!
We finished with coffee and churros. Can you blame us? Then it was time to scoop up my good lady and pour her into the car. She was in good spirits, I can assure you.
Go to Leicester, friends. It’s a city of culture and history. Drop in to Bodega. Find someone else to drive. Tell them the Viper sent you. It won’t mean anything to them, but I’ll feel good about myself.